Repercussions
by MMaiden
Summary: A season five continuation about the Gilmore girls dealing with the Repercussions of their pushing each other away.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay I rearranged some things and this is now going to be a Rory Lorelai fic… hope you all enjoy the new parts as much as the other one.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or places or anything related to Gilmore girls sadly… and in this one I'm using several bits of actual dialogue from the Season 5 finale: A House is Not a Home

_Your mother and I have been talking about your situation. We have discussed the matter thoroughly. And we have come to a decision_ I couldn't get it out of my head. Over and over again. It wouldn't go away. _Rory will be taking some time off from Yale._ Oh God. It hurt. _She will be moving into the pool house here with us. We will find her some sort of suitable job, through one of our friends. And then, once a suitable time has passed, we will revisit the subject of her returning to school._ Over and over again...never stopping, it wouldn't stop. But that wasn't the worst. _She came to me Lorelai._ She went to them...

I stood outside the pool house, in the shadows of the night, staring inside, in too much pain to do anything else. _She went to them..._

I heard someone walking from the house I think, halfway saw my mother in the pool house, and then maybe heard her going back. I just stood there... remembering, trying to figure out where I went wrong...

I pictured they day I gave birth to her…the note I had left my parents, the terror of having a baby alone, a terror so overwhelming and massive that it only smothered by the fear of having the baby with my parents there when they showed up as I was being pulled into delivery.

I thought about her first months in my parent's house, our flee to the Independence Inn, our little potting shed with the little curtain around the bathtub and the rose bud wallpaper. Rory's first step, her first word, her first straight A report card, the first time we walked into our house, all the laughs, and tears, and fights…it all showed up. Staring up at Chilton, both of us scared beyond words, climbing through trash filled allies after her break up with Dean, running through the town to tell her that Max proposed, devil-egging Jess' car, just sitting on the porch talking...

We had been through so much, were a team, always had been. _Then how did we get here?_ My vision focused a bit and I saw Rory putting away books. I wanted to cry. Needed to cry. But... couldn't. _I thought we had a plan…She was going to have it all. The Ivy League education, the impressive job, the perfect family. Everything I couldn't give her. She was going to have it…and now she's not and my parents, my last hope, the ones who should have supported me in this, the ones who wanted nothing more then to have a Gilmore who would actually make them proud, are just sitting by and letting this happen._ Annoyance and anger started to swirl with the disappointment and sadness that had been in control. _She went to them..._ I couldn't shut it out. Above all the memories and the pain there was that voice and the images that went with all the resentment. _She went to them..._

She turned to face me and for a brief period of time our eyes met… giving birth to a whole new set of emotions as I saw the seas stretch out between us. _So what happens now? _With a half hearted, defeated smile Rory returned to putting her books away, cutting off the eye contact and making an effort not to look at me. _So this is it. This is how it's going to be. Not even able to look each other in the eyes let alone speak_

I was suddenly thrown into an immense need to just run, be anywhere but there, stop dealing with things I didn't want to think about. And so, with one final gaze at Rory, I left. Just got in the Jeep and started driving.

I was back in that void, where I had gone after calling off the wedding to Max. I was almost there and yet nowhere near it, just driving through the streets, not thinking or caring, unable to be thinking or caring… just lost.

Yet somehow I ended up in the familiar glow of the diner as Luke was closing up. I opened the door and walked in, ringing the familiar bells above the door. Luke turned around at the sound, pausing his counter cleaning for a bit to glance up and then leaving it to finish later when he saw it was me.  
"Rory dropped out of Yale." I said defeated, slinging my jacket over an empty chair and putting my purse on the table. "What?" He replied astonished. All I wanted at that moment was for him to walk over and put his arms around me, tell me it would go away, that I was just dreaming. " She dropped out of Yale and moved in with my parents, who I went to for help and they stabbed me in the back." I said sitting down as he walked over, listening. "Everything we worked for, all these years, her whole future…" My eyes teared up as the words tumbled out and the memories I thought I had left behind at the pool house returned once again as I continued trying to figured out what had happened. "She was supposed to have more then me. She was supposed to have everything,.. That was the plan. We had a plan." _So where did it go wrong?_

Somewhere in my little speech Luke had started staring at the ground, taking everything in, listening intently. Suddenly he looked up and clapped his hands together, taking me by surprise. "Okay, I'm sorry. I have to jump in here. I know think you have this thing handled but I can help." _God no one can help_ I thought pessimistically as he began again. "First off, we call Yale and we tell them something like, uh, Rory had a chemical imbalance and she was mentally out of her mind when she told them she was dropping out. And then we get her out of your parents' house whatever way we can. We lock her up in her room with you, because you can talk anybody into anything."

I sat and listened to his crazy plan silently, pushing back Rory and my parents and all the trouble that went with them, suddenly unable to think of anyone but Luke. _Wow he's amazing…_I smiled to myself as I watched him pace, alive with emotion. _He cares so much for me and Rory… more then anyone ever has before. _I couldn't help at that moment thinking of the several guys who hadn't even given Rory a chance before they split. _And Christopher. A class of his own, Mr.Unreliable, who broke all his promises and left a miserable daughter in his wake, popping into the picture every once in awhile, staying just long enough to raise hopes, and then crashing his only child down on the rocks when he left again. _Just thinking about Chris annoyed me. _ And then there's Luke… who's always there, and always has been. Luke, who didn't even gawk when I brought Rory in for the first time, but fell in love with her. Luke, who was always a shoulder to cry on or a friend to laugh with… _

_"_And if worse comes to worst, we will drive her to school every day and we will follow her to class and camp out there to make sure she goes." The realization hit suddenly without mercy as I heard him continue on about helping. _He's the one. _It scared me to admit that. Sure I had considered it, I had even said to Rory during the break up that he might have been the one, but to consider it and actually feel it are two different things.

I glanced up at him and made up my mind as he continued." I'll take morning classes, you take afternoon classes, or the other way around, if it works out better for your schedule." _This is it. No turning back. This is right where I belong. _"And I know there's a few kinks to work out, the kidnapping thing might be a little problematic but either way, she is not quitting school." I sat and smiled at him, the little bit of insecurity and fear melting away as I thought about what it would be like to be married to him… to Luke. "This was her dream. I am not going to let this happen." He stopped to catch his breath and caught my gaze as well. _God I love him. _"What?" He asked, perplexed. I took in a deep breath and then out it came. "Luke, Will you marry me?" I asked softly, staring up at him.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay this chapter and the next are going to be the last ones I add to the beginning I think… I just think there was a gap I needed to fill in the story before it could progress. Review early review often, let me know what you think of the new additions

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Gilmore girls, much to my dismay so none of these character or places are mine, and if you happen to catch something from the show dialogue wise (though I don't think there is anything in this chapter) that's not mine either.

It was like watching someone lose a hand, so awful I couldn't turn away. I wanted to, begged myself to, but I couldn't and I guess she couldn't either. There was so much I needed to say, needed to make her understand, but so much I knew she couldn't. _Everything's falling apart._ I sobbed to myself. _It wasn't supposed to be like this. _

A sudden surge of anger appeared as I realized how close I was to trying to talk to her. _You can't let her do this. _I swallowed as I broke eye contact and willed my box of books to stay up. I was torn between wanting to go cry to her and wanting to shut her out completely. _Stay strong! Don't let her tell you what to do! You're twenty years old; you don't need your mommy anymore. _I battled _And this is what you want. What you need. Don't let her change your mind._

I picked up some books defensively and started putting them up on the shelf, pointedly not looking back onto the deck, trying to keep up this strong front, pretending to not to have seen the pained look in her face. _She threw you out, she shoved you out of her life, this is the least she deserves. _I growled to myself, knowing I was lying, but refusing to acknowledge it. _She should have supported me. She's my mother, isn't that what she's supposed to do? And so much for letting me make my own decisions, she's worse then grandma! _I spat, _She wouldn't even listen to me, let me explain it. Just went and automatically assumed that I was throwing my life away. She doesn't even care if it's what I need or what I want. All she cares about is her stupid plan for me._ That was unfair. I knew it was, but I smothered the twang of guilt and continued on, working myself up into a wronged rage. _And since when does she get to talk about making mistakes and throwing lives away? At least I didn't get pregnant and I actually tried to make it work with her! She has no right to look down on me!_

With that I suddenly got it in my mind to do something about the situation. I practically threw the last book into place as I made up my mind to try to tell her what all I had been thinking, deciding I was just where I needed to be to solve this. I spun around to face her, fire in my eyes to find her gone.

And with that it all fell apart.

The full effect of what I had been thinking overwhelmed me as my mask of anger shattered as I saw her give me one last look, mixed with disappointment and anger, and left. _Mom…_ I sobbed, sinking to my knees as I stared at the empty pavement, putting my hands over my face. I had wanted her to be there, to get some kind of sign that she still had faith in me, faith that I'd still want to talk about this with her, faith that I could see what I was doing to her, to us, and want to do something about it. It was stupid I know, she had no reason to think that, and if she had been there I would have just made it worse, but the want, the need… was still there.

Tears flowed readily now, and I shook with the force of my sobs. "How did I get here?" I asked through the crying. _No matter how much I've messed up she's always been there. She's never given up. Never. _And yet she had this time. Her final look had burned, and I didn't know what to do. _It wasn't supposed to be like this!_


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gilmore girls' characters or locations… the only thing that's mine is the story line and the words here… unless their quotes from the show and obviously those aren't mine either.

I had known this was a mistake from the moment I had gotten here, but I didn't notice that awful feeling in my stomach until it was too late.

I trudged up to the door, not knowing what to say _Stupid stupid stupid move Lorelai_ I thought to myself as the maid came to the door. "Hi. I'm Lorelai Gilmore, I don't think I was expected but I'm the daughter of Richard and Emily. " I rambled, hoping to get some recognition out of her. "I'm sorry but Mrs. Gilmore specifically said no guests other then the family during dinner." She replied. _You have got to be kidding me_. "But I am family… I'm their daughter. They have depressed picture of me as a child plastered all over their house." I tried explaining. "I'm sorry but you will have to come back another time." She replied stepping back to close the door.

"Alright fine. I'll just come back tomorrow" I said, slightly relieved that I didn't have to deal with this yet.

But of course it wasn't that easy.

"Rosa!" a familiar yell barked as I started to turn away. "Who's at the door?" _Crap_ I thought, completely frozen in place. "It's a woman to see you Mrs. Gilmore. I told her to come back tomorrow because you were having dinner, just like you told me to Mrs. Gilmore." The maid replied humbly, gazing at the carpet. "Well you might as well see what this woman wants she's already disrupted the drinks." Mom said, pushing past the maid as I turned around. "Lorelai?" she breathed.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!_ I screamed at myself "Hi" I stammered. "I need to talk to Rory." I quickly explained. "Well you can come back tomorrow. We're having dinner." She said coolly. "No. I need to talk to her tonight." I said forcefully. _And in the center ring we have Lorelai and Emily Gilmore._ I thought to myself, feeling the argument coming on. Suddenly the look came upon her face. The look I knew so well. The I've got her now look. "Then you might as well stay for dinner" she said, stepping aside. "Rosa set another place at the table for my daughter, and take her coat please, there's no need for her to look like a hobo." She commanded, starting to walk back to the living room, leaving me astounded at the doorstep. "Well are you coming?" she asked turning around and staring at me. Left with no other options I shrugged off my sweater and handed it to the maid, following after my mother.

The front door closing behind the maid was probably the loudest noise I had ever heard in my life, despite her trying to ease it closed. _Enter gnawing remorse_. I thought as my stomach dropped.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This was slightly changed to make sense with the new chapters, hope you still like it

Disclaimer: You know the drill… I don't own anything from Gilmore girls and at this point this storyline is all my own.

The light danced beautifully on the walls of the dinning room as we ate dinner. Or I guess as they ate dinner. I just sat there. My eyes never leaving it, trying to process, trying to think, and most of all, trying to remember, or more like stop remembering. The pained look on her face as I slammed her mistakes in her face. The back of her as she fled Weston's, and above all, all the times she had been there for me… all my break-ups and all my failures and all my stupid mistakes… she had always been there. And then once again I had pushed her away, decided I didn't need her anymore, and this is where I had brought us.

I took a bite of whatever it was that was on my plate, and murmured a response to a question from Grandpa, my eyes never leaving it.

After that first break down I had gone back to convincing myself that I was in the wrong that she was the one out of line, even went as far as fantasized about her coming to be begging for me to forgive her. After all she was the one that had thrown me out of the house, forbidden me to come back to the town, and all just because I had lost myself. She was my mother right? She was the one that was supposed to hold my hand and make it better? Then why hadn't she done it?

Every time I went though this thought pattern I could feel the guilt swelling in the back of my mind. But as I adjusted to pool house life I just pushed it back, putting up my wronged angel front when it threatened to appear, blocking it for a time. I even ignored her phone calls, trying to reason that it would just give her another chance to wrong me. It was all part of avoiding the emotions, blocking off the guilt. But that's all it did. Block it for a time.

I knew I was lying to myself, and every once in awhile I would let my guard down and it would slam me, trying to make me face what I didn't want to, bringing me back to tears. I had hurt her like I had never deemed possible and I just couldn't deal with that yet.

But my time of inner peace, no matter how fabricated and illusionary it was, was cut short with that one phone call. The call that shattered all barriers and left me shaken like nothing else could…

"Hello" I had answered absent-mindedly, absorbed in my book _"I can't believe you didn't tell me! And here I was thinking you were my best friend! Isn't it great? I am just so thrilled for her! Are you psyched? You must be, I mean it is Lorelai!"_ Lane had squealed almost before I had gotten my answer out, thoroughly confusing me. "What are you talking about?" I asked, putting down the book trying to figure out what in the world she could be talking about. _"You have got to be kidding me! What am I talking about? What's everyone talking about? Luke and Lorelai, Lorelai and Luke… You can't stop it from coming up! Oh! Did she ask you to keep it a secret? She probably wanted to make sure Sookie and the town heard it from them first. I mean wow. They're finally engaged and she even asked him! It's so sweet!… Rory?… Rory?… are you there?"_ The words crashed through my head.

And that's what brought me here, to the Friday night dinner from hell. The first time I have seen mom since she left the pool house… the first time to speak to her, if I have the nerve, since Weston's. And the first time to see it. The ring. The small, elegant diamond ring on her left hand, reflecting light. The ring that sends me deeper and deeper into my guilt with every beautiful wink it sends my way.

_That call was weeks ago._ I thought, staring at it again. _And she still hasn't said anything... God, look where I've brought us._

Another wave of guilt smashed me, bringing me yet another step lower. I tried to pull up my mask of anger but couldn't. _I brought this on myself. _I continued, pushing a potato around with my fork. I glanced up at mom, when the maid took away my barely touched plate, and was greeted by a look of determination and the ever present disappointment and sadness. I watched the oceans between us swirl, willing me to tell her how proud I was of her, how happy I was for her, how sorry I was… but the words wouldn't form.

_So much to say… and no way to say it. _


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry I haven't been in much of a writing mood. Let me know how this chapter relates to the others, hopefully it's not too much of a let down.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

I cast a pleading look at mom in vain, hoping it might speed up the rest of the meal, receiving the same unwelcome glare I had been getting all night.

She had refused to let me talk to Rory alone until after we had eaten, trapping me into this ordeal, a full meal with nothing to say. _Please let this end_ I begged, not even half way into it.

I glanced over at Rory and caught her blank, contemplative stare. She was entirely lost in thought.

I sighed and moved my gaze around the room, trying to keep my thoughts on why I was here. _I can't deal with fighting all three of them at once_ And of course. There was no other option if I told them all at once. _Just take this one step at a time. Tell Rory and get it sorted out with her first, and then deal with your parents. They don't need to accept it, just know about it. You owe them that much. _I reasoned doubtfully. I was still hurt by my parent's betrayal, still stunned by Rory's personality reversal, still just in pain from the whole experience and sitting here was not helping. _Owe them for what?_ A voice asked within me.

There had been some exchange of small talk at first, mainly between mom and dad, but they quickly ran out of things to fill the silence with, the always safe topic of Yale dead. Rory hardly said a word, even what spoken to. She just stared into space, murmuring some half-hearted reply after being asked how her day had been by dad and other then the gasped "Mom" when I had walked in, she hadn't said a single word to me.

_Everything was so perfect. _The words floated through my head as I remembered our squealing in this very room when I said yes to Max on the porch and passing pictures of well endowed ballerinas back and forth over fondue. Our story had had an almost fairy tale feel to it, and we were finally getting to the happily ever after, or so I had thought. _Welcome to reality._ I swallowed sadly, glancing once again to the miserable looking Rory.

I wanted to be able to run up and hug her, squeal that Luke and I were getting married, jump up and down hysterically and fall automatically into the tale of my proposal and then the plans for the wedding. I wanted to spend hours flipping through magazines, tearing out pictures and ads, and teasing Luke with her, talking about how sexy Luke would look in the pink ruffled tux we had gotten him. But I knew none of that was possible and that it probably wouldn't be possible even when I told her. _Things are so screwed up. _And they were only going to get worse when I let them know.

For some reason my thought drifted back to a conversation I had had with Luke years ago, when I had been engaged to Max. "There's nothing like a marriage to screw up a family." He had said pessimistically. I had waved it off saying in my case there was nothing like a family to screw up a family… but now I was having a hard time just waving off that stupid comment. Sure my family had screwed its self up already this time, but I couldn't see my engagement making it any better.

A question from Emily's direction snapped me out of my train of thought suddenly as the maid took away the main course. "Did you get the letters?" she asked coolly, taking a sip of wine.

I thought of the pile of monogrammed envelops sitting in a drawer in the kitchen completely untouched, addressed in my mother's perfect handwriting to Ms. Lorelai Victoria Gilmore and frowned. "I got them." I replied just as icily. "So then you know all about Rory's new job?"

_New job. _I looked up at Rory and made the first eye contact of the evening and suddenly felt queasy, needing to get out of there. "Yeah. I know about it." I lied unconvincingly, scooting my chair back from the table and putting my napkin on it. "I need to use the restroom real quick." I excused myself, standing up. "I'll be back in a minute."

I walked out of the dining room before anyone could object and passed the downstairs bathroom, continuing on to the stairs, stepping up them quietly. I slipped down the hall to my old room and stepped inside, leaning back on the door when it closed. _Still the same._ I sighed, taking in all the ruffles and bows, all perfectly arranged of course, the exact same way they had been when I had left it twenty years ago, right down to the sparkly pencils in a cup on the desk.

I pushed myself off the door and slumped over to the windows, opening one with ease and stepping through it into the warm summer night. I leaned up against the rail and crossed my arms over my chest as I pulled back the whole reason I had felt the need to escape. _So she actually has a job._ I thought sadly, picturing Rory sitting in a depressing little office, being yelled at by a boss._ So much for a happy ending. _


End file.
